I guess you could say I’ve had a writers block for quite some time now. I never thought I’d see the day where I would be without words. Oh, my heart has a ton to say but I don’t know how to articulate it all.
So I’m going to just write and see what happens.
I guess the heaviest thing on my heart right now is just how overwhelmed I am by the love of God. I mean, I’ll never be able to fully grasp His love but what I do comprehend leaves me in awe.
I call this season #TheUndoing – it’s a season of God peeling back the layers of my soul, cleaning out the build up, and pouring His fresh love in the broken places to mend me. He’s rewiring my thoughts. He’s planting new seeds in my heart and showing me what it means to love people right where they are – with no agenda, no plans to convert them … just to love them right where they are.
He’s challenging my mind and my theology. He’s challenging my expectations of The Church and sandpapering how I “do” church. He’s revealing my hurts and my bitterness.
The Lord has turned the lights on in my heart and exposed the areas of Christian performance. He’s teaching me about Himself all over again. He’s also teaching me about myself. Who I am in Him. Identity 101 … again (and again and again until I see Him face to face).
He’s just good. He’s always been good. He’ll always be good.
I realize that His goodness is never dependent upon my goodness. God is not good because we do good things or because we are on our best behavior. God is good because that’s just who He is.
We are in a season where we’re not at the peak of Christian performance. We stopped going to church (totally planning to return – I would judge me too – but we’re not backsliding, we’ve just spent MANY years doing church instead of being church and God totally has us in His hand on this one and I believe it’s part of #TheUndoing. I even have accountability partners. Trust me.) <– See, the fact that I just had to defend myself should tell you something. *Sigh* But anyway ….
We’re not rebelling and partying and actively seeking sin and making excuses for it … No! We’re human so we’re not perfect but our hearts are still totally sold out to Jesus. We’re just in the middle of #TheUndoing and it’s not always pretty.
But God is still good.
He has blessed our family in some big ways over the past couple of months. I’m just blown away because these blessings have come when our lips have grown quite silent about Christ.
He loves us and pursues us regardless of our goodness. His love for us is not increased or decreased by who we are or what we’ve done. He loves us simply because that is His very nature and because we are His.
Oh, that we might wrap our heads around this Truth.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
You are loved dearly, friends.