4 Tips For The Emotional Responder

businesswoman in anger

Are you an emotional responder?  Here’s some very valuable advice:


Don’t be.

That’s the advice.

Don’t be.

Don’t be an emotional responder.

It’s cray-cray and it makes you look cray-cray and you don’t have time for it.

You’re better than that.

In all honesty I know that’s easier said than done because if it were easy no one would be emotional responders.  The flesh is so satisfied when you get to tell someone off and give them a piece of your mind.

Defending yourself and getting the last word may feel good for the moment … but is it really worth it?

If you’re tired of being an emotional responder and want to make a change I’ve got something for you.

Here are 4 tips to help you get unstuck, have self control and NOT be an emotional responder.

Step Away 

When you feel that ball of fire rise up in your chest – RUN! Get away from the situation as quick as possible.  The worst thing you can do is let that ferocious ball of fire move from your chest to your tongue and out into the atmosphere.


Detaching yourself from the environment where the drama is going down allows you to collect your thoughts.  Trust me, it’s better to fume alone than to spew that poison all over the place.

Leave. Get away. Remove the temptation to stoop to their level by fleeing the scene.

Take Deep Breaths

I know you hear that a lot but that’s because it’s so helpful.  You can read my post on proper breathing techniques here . When we’re stressed we tend to breath very shallow which keeps us in a state of high tension.

It’s hard to think clearly when you’re holding your breath – don’t you think?

So once you get away, focus on your breathing.  Get your breathing under control and your emotions will follow.

Let It Out

By that I mean pray, write in your journal, and/or talk to a trusted friend.

I’ve been a Christ Follower over 10 years now and I know that some Christians might frown upon this – but just hear me out.

Talk to someone you trust.  Now, the christian response “should” be to go talk to Jesus and pray about what has you so ticked – I don’t disagree, however, if you’re an extrovert (with ADD) like me you have to talk to think.  I need to go to a trusted source (just one) and blurt out all the chaos.  Once I’ve heard myself say all the crazy things I needed to get out of my head I have a more solid perspective.

My friend (or my husband most of the time) that I talk to is not there to fix the problem.  They’re there to be a sound board for me. This is why you have to talk to a TRUSTED source who knows you very well.

Another outlet for me is to journal.  Writing makes me slow down but allows me to get all the clutter out. You have no idea how much better you feel once you write out your emotion.  Often times you just need to get that ball of fire out of you and to place it on paper is quiet, private, and allows the relief of getting the frustration out of your mind.

I don’t mean to put Jesus last – but for me I can’t stay focused long enough to talk to Jesus if I don’t clear out some of the clutter in my mind first.  Don’t get me wrong, there have been plenty of times where I have thrown myself at the feet of Jesus first, with no words, just screams of frustration and tears, and that was totally okay.  But in my world it’s usually a chat with my husband or writing in my journal (which I talk to Jesus in there) and then sharing my heart with Jesus through prayer.

Ultimately the answers, the relief, the healing, all that … it comes from Jesus so just be sure you find your way to Him and don’t delay on inviting Him into the chaos – even if it’s not pretty or fits into the ‘christian mold’ – come to Him just as you are.  I promise you you’ll never regret running to Jesus.

Is It Worth A Response?

Once you’ve gotten through the first three steps of cooling down you should have enough clarity to decide if a response is necessary.

Was it a close, trusted friend that upset you?  Then yes, you probably should have an adult conversation with that person once you’re completely cooled down and level headed.

Was it the same ol’ person who always makes you mad at work?  Probably not worth a response. You see, by following these steps you are increasing the strength of your ‘tolerance muscle’.  The more you exercise this muscle of self-control, you’re able to move on much quicker each time.   There is nothing wrong with a mature conversation to tell someone (especially if you’re in contact with them a lot) how you feel but often times it’s not even worth rehashing.

Is this person a hater?  Then I can help you out and tell you it’s not worth another second of your energy.  Haters gon’ hate.  Throw that junk off.  Healed people heal people, hurt people hurt people. It’s not personal, girlfriend.  Let your heart break for them.  Not because you’re looking down on them – but because they were created with gifts, talents, and purpose but they’re not doing anything with them.


Remember that as you journey along the enemy is always going to be looking for opportunities to trip you up and load you down with heavy weights and chains that are distractions from the race that God has mapped out for you.

Ask yourself ‘is this a Godly interruption or a demonic distraction?’  That answer will clearly define if you stop to pay any attention to it or if you just keep on keepin’ on.

God has a plan for your life. He created you on purpose with purpose and the longer you stay trapped under the weight of people and silliness – the more the precious time God has given you is stolen from your journey.

Keep practicing these 4 tips to help you gain self control and run with perseverance.

You are dearly loved.



2 thoughts on “4 Tips For The Emotional Responder

  1. April
    I absolutely love this article you put into words how I think and feel. I just can not seem to find my sounding board. I don’t want it fixed I want to understand and I can’t do that with all the junk in my head. I just got to get it out of there so I can see it so to speak. Anyways, thank you so glad to have found your site. And now that understand, maybe I can calming convey my findings to others. Just breathe……..


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