Who I Was

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I think we all allow ourselves to drift back into a place/places of the past.  There we meet ourselves as we used to be.  Who do you see there?  Are you ashamed?  Guilty?  Disgusted?

I spent a lot of my years wrapped up in “friendships” that were extremely toxic.  I strongly dislike who I was back then.  I found my identity in the girls around me who had no identity themselves.  They were not rooted to anything, so for me to be rooted to them was inevitably leading to major destruction.  I wasn’t perfect, as a matter of fact, I was just as ‘bad’ as they were.

When God showed me my identity – my TRUE identity in Jesus Christ, I could NOT go another second living the way I was.  I didn’t have a tolerance for silly old games anymore.  I didn’t carry guilt or shame that kept me chained to these toxic ‘friendships’.  I was free.

I am disliked by many – but I am loved by the Father and that overrides everything if you ask me.

I’m not going to lie, there are times where I drift into the guilty places and my old people pleasing side of me tries to raise her head.  I quickly realize that s not a place that God ever wants us to visit.  We don’t live there anymore.  No one is home.  … Unless you want to move back in.

So many folks live and stay in that place of shame and guilt.  You are free from that prison. Have you repented and received God’s forgiveness?  If so, it’s time to move on.  If not, repent and receive God’s forgiveness – it’s waiting for you… He’s waiting for you and then move on.

I’m not who I was.  Regardless of the memory that may be left in some people’s minds about me.  I’m not that person.  Those things of the past do not identify me.  They don’t identify you either.

No need for guilt or shame.  If we weren’t who we were (how confusing is that?) what kind of testimonies would we have?  Hold your head up – who you were and who you are now shows just how mighty of a God we serve.

Be healed, whole, and new.

You’re amazing!

-April

www.healedwholenew.com

You Are Not Alone

6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them (your enemies), for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 3:6

I know that while I was undergoing a ton of anxiety and depression I always felt alone. In my head I always heard “You are alone.” “No one understands.” “They think you’re crazy.”

Isolation is obviously a HUGE part of anxiety/depression. We feel more in control if we isolate but then we feel even more lonely once we isolate.

My husband always references an analogy from Animal Planet. When a lion is seeking its prey – it looks for the lonely one – the one who has isolated and gone astray from the pack.

The scripture says in 1 Peter 5:8 “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

The devil searches for the lonely one … or shall I say, the one who BELIEVES they are lonely.

Think about when you’re scared, angry, overwhelmed and alone – what are your thoughts like during that time?

– No one cares
– You’re pathetic
– How could anyone love you?
– You should stop being friends with them (unhealthy relationships are a different story)
– You should divorce him/her
– You are better off alone
– Things will never get better
– How can you pay that bill/ those bills?

The list goes on and on – but if you are surrounded by positive friends, church family, and others who speak life over you – it’s harder for these thoughts to build themselves up in your mind – even better – if you are spending time in the in the Word and sharing your heart with God as well as listening to Him speak back to you – you will discover His Truth. The more you hear the Truth the more it gets rooted into you.

I know I am not alone because God says He will never leave me nor forsake me.

Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Isaiah 49:13
Shout for joy, O heavens;
rejoice, O earth;
burst into song, O mountains!
For the Lord comforts his people
and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.

Psalm 139:7-18
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths,[a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to[b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

I love Psalm 139… it is such a powerful piece of scripture that proclaims God’s Truth!

You are not alone, my friend. No matter how you ‘feel’, the truth is you are not alone, you are loved, and you will be okay.

Have a great weekend!

April